If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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