My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize