i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
