on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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