Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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