Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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