I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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