And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
