we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
