yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
