Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
