Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how drunk are you?
Several
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
