I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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