she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
