your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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