Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize