I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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