oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
