I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
