i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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