She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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