I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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