Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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