I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
