playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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