He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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