turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
