I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you had me at cake vodka
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
