i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
