btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
