So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he thought i was a dude.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
