did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
