Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
