my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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