So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
