ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
