i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
