It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
