whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
