The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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