Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
