hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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