Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
