so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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