My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
