Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize