Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
