I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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