you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
