theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this boner is exhausting
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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