The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
