I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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