First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
