At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
