Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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