Sry I called you an 8
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
