She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
