i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just gargled with NyQuil
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
