My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
