So drunk its hurt
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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