the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize