it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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