I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
