I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
