I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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