i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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