Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
