im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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