So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
