This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
